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The Homecoming Queen’s Got A Sideways Haircut

27 Jun

The New Wave visited my high school when I was a kid, but I didn’t get to witness it, no siree. Heard all about it, though.

1. THE GO-GO’S – Played a big dance at Palos Verdes High School (from where I eventually graduated) 4 years before I could’ve realistically attended such a thing. I was 11 at the time. But I totally would’ve gone, as I had the biggest schoolyard crush on Belinda Carlisle ever – couldn’t resist her 80’s/60’s fashion sense and pouty too-coolisms if I tried. A boneheaded, annoyingly-cocksure older brother of a friend did go, wearing his GO-GO’s t-shirt proudly and bragging about it for weeks after. “I talked to that cute little dark one” – he meant Jane Wiedlin. “Shit, she totally wanted me.” Yeah, right dude – even my pre-pubescent brain knew your were all kinds of bullshit.

You want proof this actually went down? Four live songs from this show ended up on the Return to the Valley of the Go-Go’s 2-CD comp. on I.R.S. Records from the mid 90’s.

2. OINGO BOINGO – As the saying went, us rich kids up on the hill were spoilt. This musta been in ’83, again at PV High School. Yet again I was still too young to actually see em – though me and a friend snuck within earshot of the gymnasium to clearly hear Danny & the boys start into “Grey Matter”. We spent most of the evening in the adjacent football field, stirring up the BBQ coals in the firepit from the afternoon’s big football game. Eventually we succeeded in stoking smoldering ambers back to billowingsmoke/roaringflame life, which unfortunately drew the attention of a bunch of huge BOINGO security goons. Said goons gave chase at full speed, and we only managed to ditch em by scrambling under a hole in a fence too small for this pack of MILK-FED PORK. Yeah I’m pretty sure this was all accomplished to the tune of “Only a Lad”.

3. THE UNTOUCHABLES – Ok ok: so I’m finally of age to go – I’m actually in high school! This was in ’86/’87. And what do I do? Of course I don’t go, because not unlike Belinda once she was cozy in the majors, I’ve now become too fuckin’ cool for these school-sponsored shindigs. But I was in photojournalism class, and helped develop a bunch of photos of THE UNTOUCHABLES skankin’ wild child singer, Clyde Grimes, for the school paper. Did I miss anything? Well the verdict I’m going with is an unequivocal NO. Even a UB40-loving pal of mine who went said it kinda stunk. The UN’ABLES were well past their O.N. Klub “prime” by this point, simply treading water in the byways like so many others for that one, elusive rock-of-the-80’s hit to secure fat retirement pensions forevermore. Oddly, it never fucking happened.

Now why couldn’t’ve the school powers-that-be booked THE LOPEZ BEATLES instead? They woulda made for a Bitchen Party, fr sure.

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